A Hunted Deer
by Sannra
Summary: This is a little scene placed after "A time to heal II" of season 6. It's the first fanfiction I write in english, so please excuse little mistakes. I hope you enjoy yourself!


A Hunted Deer

It was a wonderful night. Cold November air caressed Michaela's face as she opened the window of their sleeping chamber. She enjoyed the breeze for a second, loving the way it tingled on her skin with its unspoken promise that something very exciting was about to happen. Maybe it was just the change of the season, but maybe even a change in her life, overpowering and strong that one wouldn't be able to recognize it yet. With a smile Michaela closed the window again, shutting out the winter with all its secrets and mysteries, mysteries the female doctor loved with all her heart. It was invigorating and relieving to feel the uncertainty, even if it was also a little bit scary.

With the warmth that heated her cleavage, the memory found its way back into her mind, a memory that couldn't help but sadden her heart. Oh, how wonderful this evening had been, a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration with all her beloved ones around. They had chatted till late at night, eaten pumpkin pie and turkey and been enjoying themselves, at least as much as possible. Spontaneously the woman's face began to glow with the thought of Sully having been there, too, her husband, the man she had missed so much during the last few months. Absently she took her hairbrush and ran it through her slightly curled strands. Her thoughtful look was fixed on the fire, so intently that she didn't notice someone had entered the room.

"Michaela?"

She became aware of her name and raised her head. A silent tear found its way along her cheek, running down to her throat, leaving behind a small trace of shimmer. Sully stood in the doorway, watching her with vivid eyes.

"Don't tell me you have already to leave," Michaela said anxiously.

His smile grew brighter. "Before tomorrow I'm not going anywhere," he replied and closed the door before he took off his belt and came nearer. As usual, his hands slid under her hair when he pulled her closer to him so that his warm mouth could find hers in front of the familiar light of the chimney. They tasted each other for a long time before they finally separated. Michaela's eyes stayed closed and she felt how his thumb was slowly running down her cheek, obviously feeling the moisture on her skin.

"Ya'r sad."

She opened her lids and saw the concern on his face, knowing that his words were more a statement than a question.

"Yes, well…so much has happened, I still can't get it out of my mind."

"It would surprise me if ya could."

He accompanied her to their bed and let her sit down while he got on his knees in front of her. The bronze glow of the fire engulfed him and made her think about how much she missed him. It could all have been so wonderful, so perfect, if…well if…

She dismissed this thought and lowered her head.

"Wanna talk?"

His hands moved gently over her skirt, along the sides of her thighs up to her hips and back. The smoothing motion helped her to relax. She reflected about the thanksgiving meal, about the immense luck that she could've shared it with her beloved ones. About Sully being with her, about her mom and Rebecca sharing Brian's room and Brian and Coleen sharing hers; about Matthew and Andrew sleeping in the barn and Daniel taking the rocking chair downstairs in the sitting room. They all wanted to stay overnight, although the Spring Chateau would have offered them much more comfortableness.

She raised her head and looked into Sully's eyes.

"I'm just so glad that we have this evening together, all of us together. The last weeks had been so exhausting. The death of Anthony, my miscarriage…"

Michaela's voice broke and she faced the fire instead of her husband in order to hide her strongly emerging feelings away. She noticed that the steady rhythm of Sully's hands had stopped.

"Losing Majory, missing you…it was so hard," she continued. "Tonight we were together in peace, everyone healthy and safe. That felt so wonderful." Her eyelids drooped. "Sometimes I think we are cursed."

Suddenly she noticed the absence of Sully's hands on her legs, and at the very moment she wanted to look at him he rose and walked towards the window. Michaela watched his back in surprise. His slightly curled thick hair fell loosely over his neck, and by the posture of his broad shoulders she could tell that he was tense, very tense.

"Sully, please go away from the window."

The mountain man showed no reaction and Michaela felt a sudden panic rising. She stood up and walked around their bed, addressing him as pleadingly as she dared.

"Sully, please, the soldiers can see you when you're standing there."

"Maybe it'd be better that way."

Michaela held her breath as he turned around and took a step away, just a tiny one to be out of reach. His face was hidden behind a mask of apprehension and bitterness, feelings that were unusual for Sully, reserved for the few moments in life when he really didn't know what to do. But as she looked into his eyes there was also the glimpse of something else, something that made her weak and something that was more insidiously than the other emotions he had shown before.

"It's not your fault." Her voice was soft, nearly a whisper.

"Of course it's my fault, Michaela." His tone was equally frail. "I brought us in this situation."

"But you wouldn't have been able to prevent what happened."

"I know…", he pressed his back against the wall and watched his baby girl lying before him in her crib, sleeping in the dimmed light. Then he leaned over to watch Katie with the proud countenance of a father who would do everything for his little child.

"But I could've been there for ya, for the family."

Michaela didn't know what to answer. They've already talked about his feelings of guilt, right after she had told him about her miscarriage. But how to convince a man like Sully that he wasn't blamed by her when he couldn't even forgive himself?

Standing there by the crib of the toddler, grasping two wooden stanchions with his hands, sensing the solid craft under his palms, he looked lost. His wife came closer with silent steps. Watching Katie lying there, embraced by the innocence and bliss of an unsuspecting child, gave her a high degree of hope. Confidently the woman doctor raised her arm and laid her hand on one of her beloved husband, feeling his warm skin under her fingers and a light twitch as an answer to her unexpected touch.

"When I heard about Cloud Dancing...," Sully said slowly, his eyes still fixed on Katie, "I wanted to help him and the others to flee. I knew what I was goin' to do and I knew 'bout the risk, though I never thought it would go that far."

He slowly opened his fingers, so that Michaela's could slip hers in between. Then he took his eyes of his daughter and looked at his wife. "I knew there'd be a price, but now that I've to pay the price, I realize how little I can bear it."

As she heard his words, Michaela swallowed hard. Her fingers were melting with his, both hands turning into one, both pairs of eyes being drawn together in love and despair. He took her in his arms and held her close, so that her head could find a comfortable rest on his left shoulder.

Sully's voice was calm. "I wish there could've been a better way for us," he sighed, letting his fingertips stroke the lower side of her back, "a better way to deal with all this." His fingers were moving in circles, causing her a trance-like feeling and goosebumps on her skin. Then his words became more serious again and she felt his face lost in her hair. "I should've stayed with ya. It would've caused less pain and I could've been there for ya instead of doing all those fights."

Michaela raised her head, her mind struggling with thoughts. She reflected about his words and suddenly she felt ashamed. Maybe five minutes ago she had thought exactly the same. _It could all have been so wonderful, it could all have been so perfect, if…if…_ but that was the wrong way to handle this! It was the wrong criterion how to look at this problem, simply the wrong approach! Sully himself was wrong!

Instantly she leaned back, just enough to look into his face; his soft blue eyes were focusing on her like a hunted deer keeping the last bit of its strength. But there was strength, a grace she could see every time she caught his gaze. An immense pride that he would always call his own no matter how much life would harm him. And she thanked God for it.

"You're absolutely right, Sully." A trace of self-confidence and certitude could be heard in her voice, which seemed to irritate Sully for a second. But before he could say anything, she decided to continue. "It's true. If you were a man with fewer principles, you wouldn't have come in such danger. If you stayed at home instead of rescuing Cloud Dancing you probably would've been able to support us more." Sully nodded in a dismayed way, and he just wanted to let her go as she held him even closer in return.

"Sully, but this wouldn't be you," she whispered insistently. "If you indeed were a man who cared less, who would take everything for granted, a man who betrayed his own brother and who watched innocent people die without trying to help…," her eyes were fixing his, vulnerable but strong. "In that case, Sully, I wouldn't love you as much and deeply as I do now," her gaze went to Katie, "and more than that…I wouldn't want you to be the father of my children."

After she had finished, she felt relieved. Everything was said that should've been said and she hoped she had been able to put things into perspective. And how well she had succeeded, she felt at once. Sully came closer again, laying his hands at her hips as he did before. The warmth of his breath tickled her ear as he whispered: "I don't deserve this."

"You definitely do, and much more than this."

Her answer was smothered with a kiss. His hand moved to her cheek, fondling her skin and guiding her by the rhythm of their actions. Curiously they were exploring at first, but then the kiss got more and more urgent. Michaela could feel his tongue encouraging hers, claiming a well-known but foreign territory as his own. And out of the blue there were his forcing hands, unbuttoning her dress at the back with lightning- speed.

"What are you doing?" she moaned during a break of their caresses, becoming aware of the stupidity of her question right away. Sully broke the kiss, breathing heavily.

"Two years ago I promised a wise man to protect and respect ya and furthermore to care and honor ya…for all eternity." With a final motion he opened the last button. Thereafter he placed his warm palms on her neck and moved aside the soft fabric straight over her shoulders, uncovering her thin underwear.

"And that's exactly what I plan to do…," his blue eyes were catching the confused look on her face, and then his voice became hoarse and throaty, "to honor ya with every part of myself."

Michaela wasn't able to respond anymore, she felt the delicate fabric slide off her skin, and as soon as she lowered her eyes she saw the dress had fallen on the floor.

Several hours later the first rays of sunshine started to dance around Michaela's nose. She felt the warmth of the light before she could even open her eyes. Morning must have come without an announcement, without an early warning, spreading its arms into the room including the disastrous message of transience and goodbye. Michaela felt Sully close by, his comforting hand just leaving one of her most sensitive parts of the body. Then, just a second later, he rose to prepare for the new day that was going to come. Michaela's eyelids opened in a blink. She could see the blurred outlines of her naked husband in the early light, and as soon as she remembered the lovemaking of the night she already felt the cold without him, without his hand covering one of her bare breasts.

"Hey Sully, make yaself ready, we've got to go!"

The doctor winced as she heard Daniel's energetic knock on the door and his harsh whisper a short time later. For a brief moment she feared that he would come in and find her naked, half covered with blankets, but he stayed the perfect gentleman he used to be.

"I'll be down in a minute", Sully answered briefly, and then the mountain man realized that his wife was awake. "Good morning," he welcomed her with a sensual smile. After closing his buckskins he came around, sat beside her and gave her a soft kiss on her lips.

"Good morning, Sully." Michaela thought about pushing up her blankets completely for a second but Sully was already caressing her sides. "You have to go?" Her eyes became sad as she saw him nod.

"Yeah, the guards will change at sunrise. I've to hurry."

Now it was her turn to agree though she hated doing it right then.

"But we'll see each other soon, that's a promise." With these words he reached for her hand, lifted it and gently kissed the small fingers. Her face lit up as a direct response. "Just promise me to take care."

He needn't to answer; the softness in his gaze was answer enough, a memory to warm up her heart, worth to be kept until she would see him again. She watched him leave with confused feelings, still lying there the way he left her behind, still feeling his heat on her skin. Then, some seconds later, she raised, stood up and put on her dressing gown that she

painstakingly tightened on the front. Cautiously, she approached the window and opened it a crack, just in time to see how Sully and Daniel disappeared behind the trees.

She leaned against the window frame and crossed her arms over her chest. The sun was now covered by clouds and Michaela enjoyed the cold autumn air rushing at her face. And again there was this feeling, the feeling that something exciting and good was about to come, a herald for better times. And with this knowledge, she looked up into the gray November sky and began to smile.


End file.
